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Sunday, 27 January 2008

Crocheted Chesticles!

IMAGE:Boob pillowBoobie pillow - Breast is best when it comes to head rest!

From small children to grown men (and grown women of course), we're drawn to the lady lumps. And what's cosier than boobies at bedtime?

But what if you don't have a wife or girlfriend?
Or maybe your wife or girlfriend is away?
Or she's kicked you to the sofa.
Or you are a heterosexual lady that doesn't get the chance to 'bond with breasts at bedtime'?
Well have I got just the thing for you! Bed boobies! Bed breasts! Head hooters call it what you want, it's a pillow with a pair of tits crocheted onto it. And it can be yours for $25.00 each from KinkyCrochet's shop at Etsy.com (Your place to buy & sell all things handmade).

IMAGE:Boobie HatsThis seller has a few other 'kinky' crocheted items for sale. Such as willy warmers and boobie slippers.
Now, I don't know about you, but most hats don't suit me at all.
Wearing almost any style of hat, I feel and look like a complete tit.
So if you feel the same as me when wearing a hat of any description, why not ACTUALLY look like a tit, with one of these boobie hats.
They come in two colours and cost $8.00 each from KinkyCrochet's shop. I'm sure they will keep your head as warm and cosy as a bundle of boobs in a bra.

Wednesday, 23 January 2008

If I'd known you were 'cumming' I would 'buk' a 'kake'

IMAGE:Gingerbread bukkakeGingerbread bukkake - Whatever next?
Yes even the sweetest things can be made sordid. Haha.
The image above shows you just what can happen, if you leave a whole load of gingerbread men alone with one gingerbread lady.

And for those of you that don't really understand the title, I tried to combine the song lyric "If I'd have known you were coming I'd have baked a cake", with the fetish described by the Japanese word Bukkake.

So the question is: why has someone taken the time to bake a gingerbread man/woman representation of the act of bukkake?
God only knows! I'm guessing stag night/bachelor party or most likely- solely for the internet and email forwarding. Hehe.

Friday, 18 January 2008

Rubber Ducky you're the one!

I Rub My Duckie has 3 speeds!
Buy this "cute, yellow and chubby (rub-a-dub-a-dubby)" Vibrating Foam Rubber Ducky for your Wife of girlfriend and she'll be singing the entire Rubber Ducky song while she's in the bath with her new 'toy'.
(If you thought she took forever in there before, wait until you get her one of these!)

In fact, looking at this product and looking at the lyrics to the Rubber Ducky song, makes me wonder, whether a lady, already owning one of these bath-time buzzers wrote the song with her fave bath toy in mind.

Example:
"Rubber Ducky, you're the one.
You make bath time lots of fun.
Rubber Ducky, I'm awfully fond of you.
Rubber Ducky, joys of joys.
When I squeak you, you make noise. Rubber Ducky, you're my very best friend, it's true!"

Maybe you could change the line "When I squeak you, you make noise" to "When I use you I make a hell-of-a-noise" or alternatively "When I got you, who needs boys?". Hehe.

You can pick one of these up from Amazon.co.uk for a measly £19.99
.
And if you're a woman purchasing one of these, it not only makes a great bachelorette (hen party) novelty gift, but you can order one for yourself, as Ducky here is discreet enough to leave around the bathroom in plain site.

Sunday, 13 January 2008

Join the 'Clucking' craze!

Here is one of those videos that I would be surprised if it lasts very much longer on YouTube. So get it while you can!
A British sketch, STRICTLY FOR THE ADULTS and probably offensive to germans.
Featuring the brilliant Paul Kaye (better known for Dennis Pennis) and Lucy Montgomery (Titty Bang Bang).

UPDATE:
While checking through old posts I noticed that (as predicted) YouTube has removed this video.
So here it is from Daily Motion.

NOTE: Originally posted 26 October at Image:Weird Wonderful Web button

Saturday, 12 January 2008

Gambling with guns!

Well there's not much to say about this one.
You can file this under: 'Weird games that probably shouldn't have been made'.
The 'game' is called Strip Or Die! (Nice huh?). If you didn't guess yet from the title of this post; it's a Russian Roulette game. The tag line asks the question: "Will you lose your shirt or your head?".
You
on the other hand may be asking the question: "So somebody actually sat down and programmed this, err ... 'game'?"
So here it is for you to love or loathe.
A Russian (sort of) flash game that isn't Tetris!


NOTE: Originally posted 3 September 07 at Image:Weird Wonderful Web button

Friday, 11 January 2008

Stick 'em up!

For any of you wannabe armed robbers out there (or even experienced blaggers looking for a different MO) that may have been inspired by THIS post about the robber using his girlfriend's Rampant Rabbit as an offensive weapon, I have gathered together a selection of ... shall we say, 'serving suggestions'?

Image:Dildo Gun 1First up, if you already have a bit of dosh from previous capers, you might like to try the "Erotic Gun Dildo" from Wicked Tickles.
They describe it as looking "incredible, with it's high gloss finish it feels amazing, soft to the touch and incredibly lightweight. It's certainly an eye-opener both in or out of the bedroom."

"Out of the bedroom" ... and into the bank maybe?...
Come on criminals! This has to be your number one choice! Look! You can even get an optional holster for it. Coooool. That's right. You could practice your Quick Draw McGraw skills and REALLY surprise the missus. Haha.
All this smooth high gloss incredibleness can be yours for £45.99 ($82.78) or £55.99 with holster.

Image:Dildo Gun 2But, if you're a gangster on a budget, maybe because you're new to the game or perhaps your previous 'work' went a bit pear-shaped, this fine example of a dildo gun may better fit the bill.
This is called the "Peter Gun" and can be found at 1sn.com.
On the site the blurb invites you to:

"Load up this squirt gun with your favorite liquid - hot or cold, then stick 'em up, spread 'em and shoot your load over and over as your partner screams in delight. Great fun, but can get a little messy. Soft dildo tip makes for easy entry as you prepare to shoot."

Well. How could you refuse? And at only $5.95 ($4.95 S+H) you can't go wrong.


Image:Dildo Gun 3And lastly this one. Which unfortunately I don't have any details about, so if you want to buy one you'll have to track it down yourself. But I feel it deserves inclusion. To me it looks more likely to be a cool sculpture rather than a working vibrator, but who am I to judge? Either way it'd be a worthy addition to your erotic arsenal.

I know it goes without saying
really, but, I am in no way encouraging individuals to follow a 'life of crime'. And if for some insane reason you now contemplate committing a 'hold up' with one of these objects then prepare yourself to face the "What sorta bank ya gonna hold up with one of these then son? A sperm bank?" type comments from the police that catch your dumb arse.

NOTE: Originally posted 31 August 07 at
Image:Weird Wonderful Web button

Saturday, 5 January 2008

Respect your elders and fetters!

Image:Charlotte Bronté's Jane Eyre book coverThe wife had been reading Jane Eyre (by Charlotte Brontë) recently, which incidentally you can download for free as an ebook from the wonderful Project Gutenburg if you don't already own a copy.
She came across the word 'fetters' a few times and asked me to remind her what those were. With the word fetters not cropping up much in my general conversations, I had to do what we all do when we can't remember the definition of a word, usually what we do before even trying to remember the definition of a word, or as in my case, not having the faintest idea. I Googled it!
Of course the great Wikipedia was there at the ready explaining that fetters were another word for shackles or leg irons, but it wasn't number one on the list. Oooooh no.
The site to rank at number one on the list when entering fetters into Google (.co.uk not .com, your results may vary) was, not surprisingly, a site called Fetters.co.uk.

Fetters, it turns out, is an online shop based in Warwickshire in the UK. They would appear to be, what you may call, catering for a 'specialist market'. Although, if like me you'll probably just refer to it as kinky. Hehe.
I know what you're thinking; 'well does a site that calls itself Fetters actually sell fetters for home use?'. Well of course they do! And a lot more besides.
Some of the categories listed on their site include:
  • Whips, Paddles and Canes (oh my!).
  • Strait Jackets and Suits.
  • Electrical Play (Kids! Don't stick your fingers into electrical sockets!).
  • Pre 19th Century Irons (our fettered friends, hehe).
And the amusingly named (well I can't say them without smirking)...
  • Fist Mitts
  • Tit Toys
Okay, so I'm going to show you a little selection of what they have on offer. See if you can guess what the picture is of, before reading the description. Haha.
As Rolf Harris used to say "can you guess what it is yet?"

Image:Folson Electrified Butt PlugWell doesn't this look cool? Nice shiny chrome looking object. I'm not entirely sure what it's made of, but it is metal. Is it a designer paper weight? A doorstop maybe? Got it yet? I'm sure they'll even be some of you out there, embarrassed and shocked at yourself for guessing/recognising what it is straight away by its shape, hehe.
It's a...Folsom Electrified Butt Plug! Of course, lol. In fact the site's description describes it as:

"Very high quality bi-polar butt plug 15cm long x 45mm diameter with conductive bands running down each side. Quite shocking!"


Now you may be saying WTF?!?! But hey, I've seen these things shown, talked about and even used on DAYTIME television! On a family program! Okay it was a zoo vet type thingy and it was being used on a giraffe, but STILL!

They were concerned that the male giraffe wasn't able to 'get it up' in the usual way, as they had never seen him 'flexing his lurve muscle towards the laydez' (Jeez! Can't a guy get a little privacy). So they gave him a helping hand. Well actually that's where the probe comes in. It's so they don't have to literally give him a 'helping hand' (ewww!).
The young zookeeper lady told us (while barely concealing a smirk), how the enormous probe she held up to camera (and that they had nicknamed "The Torpedo"), had been preceded by a rising scale of smaller probes to (err) "train" the giraffe. But now he's happy to let them shove the massive anal probe (borrowed from aliens?) up his butt, switch it on and trigger him to 'spunk his junk' into a large cup on command (Hmmm, wonder if sperm banks buy many of these to keep the donor rotation moving swifter?).

Image:Electrode CatheterOkayyyy, what about this then? Not so clear from the shape as to what this might be. Also from the small picture, you get no sense of scale. Well, I don't really want to think too much about how you use this item (but hey, "whatever floats ya boat"), so I'm just going to tell you they call it an Electrode Catheter. Stainless steel. 7.5cm long x 10mm diameter. (Yowzah!).

Image:genuine British Policeman's TruncheonAnd last but not least. To be found in the Miscellaneous section along with the red PVC Bondage Tape, Padlocks, Leather Teddy and Spare Handcuff Key you'll find something every couple needs if one of you is pretending to be a policeman or more specifically a "Bobby on the beat" as this is a "Genuine British Police Issue Truncheon from Hiatt, in solid hardwood, painted black".
Alternatively, I suppose it would make a handy cosh (Blackjack)to stash in the bedside cabinet for when you need to issue your own justice on an unwelcome burglar! Hehe.

NOTE: Originally posted 19 August 2007 at Image:Weird Wonderful Web button

"It's not Mickey Mouse, it's just TIT DIRT!"

Image:Tourettes GuyR.I.P. The Tourettes Guy (a.k.a. Danny).
It has been reported on the official site (TourettesGuy.Com) that Danny (a.k.a. The Tourettes Guy) passed away at the beginning of this month.
If you are unfamiliar with The Tourettes Guy then let me explain a little about him and the web phenomenon that Tourettes Guy truly is.
The Tourettes Guy is a perfect example of the weird and wonderful web and its power to build celebrity through internet fame. Not sure whether to describe The Tourettes Guy as famous or infamous. But he is somebody that has definitely gained Cult Status.
His videos are everywhere, people quote him in forums and in 'real' life. His rantings are even used on some multiplayer game servers (Postal2- Share The Pain) triggered by taunts you type in game. If you are a regular trawler of the web you will have most likely come across him or at least heard of him.
The Tourettes Guy (a.k.a. Danny) is a guy who allegedly has Tourettes Syndrome. But some people do dispute this. His son filmed a bunch of videos of him doing day-to-day things while ranting abuse and foul language, allegedly because of the Tourettes and maybe from the drunkenness but as you can imagine, most likely from the combination of the two. Hehe.
In 2000 the website The Tourettes Guy was set up and all the videos could be viewed there. These videos soon spread around the internet and The Tourettes Guy's popularity/notoriety spread with them.
Here is one of the videos featuring one of my favourite quotes:
"It's not Mickey Mouse, it's just TIT DIRT!". LMAO!


And if that isn't enough Tourettes Guy for ya, then check out this highly useful soundboard with 40 of Danny's most weird and wonderful (and quite often quoted) soundbites.


NOTE: Originally posted 16 August 2007 at Image:Weird Wonderful Web button

Things to make you go ewww!

While searching for an amusing picture of a felching smiley (don't ask), I came across this picture of what appears to be a couple of newspaper/magazine advertisements offering a "gentle" felching service. I wouldn't call the numbers if I were you (no matter the urgency of your felching requirements) as they are very likely to be fake adverts and even if they are not, I don't know what area or country they are supposed to originate from.

Image-Felching adverts

If you are still a little confused as to the definition of felching, maybe you should read up about it here at the good old WIKIPEDIA site or URBAN DICTIONARY before you decide to use the term in casual conversation. Faking in depth knowledge of world politics by throwing out the word Iraq or war..."well, yes. And what with the situation in Iraq..." is one thing, but casually throwing a term like felching into an after dinner conversation to sound vaguely knowledgeable of (what you think might be) new medical practices, is a whole different story.

Once you've read up a bit about the subject you'll never be able to think of straws in the same way. In fact you will probably start to view those people in fast food restaurants who take WAY more straws than they seem to need, with great suspicion.
And finally! Armed with your (possibly new found) knowledge of the term felching, you won't have to worry about embarrassing yourself in front of more knowledgeable folks by using the term felching believing it to be another polite word for farting (derived from belching but for farts). But if you think that would be embarrassing, spare a thought for poor old Daniel Felch-Straw. Think about THAT before you go raking up your family tree. Hehe.

NOTE: Originally posted 5th August 2007 at Image:Weird Wonderful Web button

Tuesday, 1 January 2008

H Potter & The Order of a Large Shipment of E

Went to see Harry Potter And The Order Of The Phoenix on Monday with the wife and kids. It was okay I suppose. If you've read the book before seeing the film then (as with any book to film adaptation) you'll probably feel that a lot was left out and unexplained.

Harry Potter = SEX,DRUGS & ROCK 'N' ROLL???

  • SEX
Recently IMAX cinemas were in trouble for using a photoshopped poster to promote the 'IMAX 3D experience' version of the film. Where the photoshopping makes certain parts of Hermione's body, shall we say...err, a little bit more 3D.
Image-Order of the Phoenix poster

And there seem to be pictures all over the place of Harry Potter actor Daniel Radcliffe appearing nude in a stage play called EQUUS.

There are the risqué promotional images as seen HERE on the official site.
But also there are the full (NSFW) nude shots reported to be fake HERE

Click me for the rude stuff
CLICK IMAGE FOR UNCENSORED VERSION

  • DRUGS
A recent story featured on the excellent SMOKING GUN site tells of 14 people in New York having been charged with allegedly smuggling 400,000 pills of the popular club drug Ecstasy into the U.S. from Europe with the famous HP logo on each pill.


  • ROCK 'N' ROLL
And strange as it may seem there is a whole genre of Harry Potter inspired music call WIZARD ROCK!

Note: Originally posted 25 July 07 at Image: Weird Wonderful Web banner

Graffiti + Girls = Sexy Graff

Image-Graffiti on girlsGraffiti displayed on sexy girls.
That's right folks. If you like naked(ish) girls or graffiti or (like myself) both. Then this cool site called SHRIIIMP is for you. Instead of sexy girls just parading in front of graffiti. This site has graffiti ON sexy girls! Woohoo!
The pics seem to be user submitted. If you know your graffiti you may be put off by some of the more amateur submissions, but trust me there are some pics from proper graffiti writers that have done some real intricate styles.

Note: Originally posted 20 July 07 at Image: Weird Wonderful Web banner

The start of something beautiful!

Okay. Maybe not beautiful, but certainly weird. If you're really lucky there might even be some dull-as-dishwater stuff thrown in for good measure.
To kick things off I'm gonna direct you to this 'interesting' site that I have renamed: SCENT OF A WOMAN. But it has no connection whatsoever with the 1992 film starring Mr Pacino:
Image-Scent Of A Woman poster
Some (if not all) of the female readers out there will probably go "ewww" and the men will probably use the 'get out' cleverly supplied by the website of buying some for a 'prank'. Although, if you or someone you know knows an actual man, saying 'buying some for a prank' is more of a rhyming slang. Hehe.

Note: Originally posted 19 July 07 at Image:WeirdWonderfulWeb.co.uk