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ALSO, IF YOU ARE OFFENDED BY IMAGES, WEBSITES AND TOPICS OF AN ADULT NATURE, THEN YOU MAY PREFER WEIRDWONDERFULWEB.CO.UK, OUR SISTER SITE FOR A MORE GENERAL AUDIENCE.

Sunday, 21 December 2008

Fancy dress vagina outfit!

IMAGE: Fancy dress vagina outfitFancy dress vagina outfit!
Don't go out dressed like a C***!


If you're planning on going to any parties this Christmas, try not to go to any fancy dress ones. You'll only end up dressed in an outfit you'll probably regret as soon as you arrive and be stuck dressed like a "C U Next Tuesday" all night.

Take this lady (pictured above) for example! She obviously decided:
"well if I'm gonna look like one, I'm gonna REALLY look like one!"

Friday, 14 November 2008

The glamour of being a male stripper!

IMAGE: Toy walking teeth
In an older post I showed you the Cheaters and Male Strippers site. Which is a site full of videos of what goes on (and in, haha) at Hen/Bachelorette parties where the 'Loverboys International' male strippers perform.
The videos are filmed by The Loverboys themselves and placed on that site to 'promote' their parties. The videos each have a questioning legend such as "Is This Your Wife?", "Is This Your Girlfriend?", or worse.

Well the video below is (I believe) another vid from one of The Loverboys' parties and just goes to show you it isn't all young brides-to-be, groping that one last warm stick of freedom!

WARNING: Contains scenes of a sexual nature!


Related post: cheaters-and-male-strippers

Sunday, 2 November 2008

Get ya herpes hook-up!

IMAGE: Sorry about the herpes cakeA 'Sorry about the herpes' cake.
An apology AND a cake? Who could stay mad?


There are a whole host of dating sites on the good old web. Some are aimed at a very specific market.

You have religious ones like the Christian dating site BigChurch.com. The Muslim orientated Muslima.com or the Jewish site TotallyJewishDating.com.

But did you know there are ones based on medical diseases or afflictions? Well if you have herpes and need someone with that in common with you to share your life then HerpesMates.com is for you.

Sunday, 19 October 2008

Bikini girl's private piercings!

IMAGE: Pierced bikini girlMetal detectors will find a different hidden treasure on THIS beech!

I like to imagine the security at the airport running his hand-held scanner over this lady and thinking

'Damn! I've accidentally mixed up my metal detector with a genitalia detector again.'

She must drive the beech combers with their metal detectors crazy. Only not with her sexy bikini, but because she keeps giving them false readings when they get near her.

"Dammit! How the hell we s'posed to find treasure with Pierced Privates Polly on the beech?"

Just think - if all ladies had metal piercings on their privates, ordinary magnets would become REAL pussy magnets!

Monday, 22 September 2008

Pussy or raw meat quiz!

IMAGE: Pussy or raw meatPussy or raw meat quiz - Put your lady lips fixation to the test!

Here at Weird Wayout Web, we aim to bring you the weirdest and most wayout, adult oddness on the web. It can be funny, sometimes shocking and sometimes even offend.

The ladies amongst you may be highly offended by this one. Or at least will give an extended ewww (but will you still take the quiz?).
Some men amongst you will feel the same. But I know for sure, that a hell of a lot of you guys, will be frantically trying to forward this quiz to your buddies, before they manage to send it to you first.

Offended or not, remember I didn't create this. I'm just pointing you in its weird and wayout direction.
It is one of Zipperfish's "Pussy or _____?" series of quizzes. For those of you with 10 Watt thinking bulbs on a soft glow, the 'blank' in this case is 'raw meat'.

Check out the quiz and test your skills here at Zipperfish.com - Pussy or raw meat quiz!

This may not be totally correct, but getting a good score on this quiz, could possibly mean you are halfway to becoming a fully qualified gynaecologist!

Sunday, 31 August 2008

Peters Griffin's prostate panic

IMAGE: Peter Griffin gets prostate examPeter Griffin gets his prostate probed

Most men don't really like going to the doctors at the best of times. But, there is going to inevitably come a time, especially once you reach a certain age, that you are going to have to allow a person to probe your prostate for your own good.

There'll be no 'getting to 1st or 2nd base' or anything like that. Nor will they even bother to try and get you drunk first. It'll just be a case of 'assume the position' and have your private poop producer prodded and poked.

What happens if you're a straight guy, and during the process you involuntarily start to enjoy the sensation of something being shoved up your butt by a strange man? Will you have been turned gay?
Well I don't know. But if after the procedure you start to take an unnatural interest in interior design and wish Liza Minnelli was your best friend, please revisit your doctor as soon as possible.

To put your mind at ease, watch this educational video from Family Guy on how it'll work.



Worried about a stranger breaking and entering your butt?
Why not check out this DIY Prostate Exam Kit.

Monday, 21 July 2008

Man made Super Mario

IMAGE: Super Mario body artMan tries to encourage his girlfriend to play with HIS Super Mario
This guy's wife/girlfriend is so addicted to videogames, especially Super Mario.
He decided that the only way to attract her attention and get a little 'plumbing' action from her, for himself was to take this drastic action!

Thursday, 10 July 2008

Go shove this gift right up ya ...

IMAGE: DIY Prostate ExamWhat better gift to give a man of a 'certain' age?
Yes, his very own "Do It Yourself - Prostate Exam" kit.

Not only does this marvellous gift give you the chance to 'poke' (ehem) fun at him, but accidentally you might just raise his awareness of the importance of a prostate exam ...

Pah! Who am I kidding? Not really, it IS just a good gift to embarrass someone on opening in front of onlookers.

Every 'Over The Hill - Do It Yourself Prostate Exam' kit comes complete with these essential items:
  • A mirror (get a new view of yourself)
  • A finger (get to the point)
  • Petroleum Jelly (let it slide, Clyde)

UK residents can find one HERE for just £3.50 while US shoppers can pick one up HERE for $7.89.
Certainly a bargain to make the boys blush.

Monday, 16 June 2008

Strip-A-Chick with a click!

Okay, here's a nice little game called Erotic Shoota. If you're good enough, some lovely models reveal their boobies and other naughty stuff.
Pretty easy gameplay - just point and click to make the chick strip!
Which of course means you only need one hand to play the game, leaving the other hand free to, err ... hold your coffee of course.

Now don't forget - this is Weird Wayout Web, the game is definitely NSFW (Not Safe For Work).

Sunday, 1 June 2008

Boob bling's the thing!

IMAGE: Janet Jackson nip slip SuperbowlJanet Jackson outshines Justin Timberlake at the Super Bowl

Fellas! Are you looking for the perfect gift for the missus? Something practical that will have everyday usefulness. Something that she will appreciate. A gift that will show her just how well you know her and just how much you care.

Or maybe you ladies out there are concerned that YOU yourself may have just such an unfortunate mishap as poor Janet Jackson pictured above.
And you too, realise the need to have the safety net of a decorative nipple shield, to save you the complete embarrassment of a bare boob. So that in the unfortunate event of a "wardrobe malfunction" your "nip slip" will (as with the lovely Janet) go totally unnoticed.

But wait! You're neither rich nor a mega pop singer. How could you, a mere mortal, get hold of such luxury boob bling?
Well the people at Tribalectic can help you with your nippley needs, as well as lots of piercing related products.

IMAGE: Wildcat Silver Sunburst Nipple ShieldFor just $29.95 you could get the sterling silver Wildcat Silver Sunburst Nipple Shield. (Pic 1).
Not quite the same, but very similar to Ms Jackson's. This should definitely be in any Janet Jackson wannabe's dressing up kit.


IMAGE: Wildcat Silver Clawed Nipple DefenderOr maybe you feel you need a nipple defence system. Something to keep random tweakers at bay.
Then you may prefer the very cool design style of the Wildcat Silver Clawed Nipple Defender (pic 2) at just $34.95. Resembling a hawk's talons, you be a fool to attempt to grope these without a thick leather falconry glove.


IMAGE: Wildcat Silver Cobweb Nipple ShieldThose of you trying to lure admirers rather then fend them off may find a spider's web useful.
This is the Wildcat Silver Cobweb Nipple Shield (pic 3). Nice smooth, stylish design. One of my favourites. Yours for $29.95.


IMAGE: Wildcat Titanium Nipple StarAnd lastly. For those of you that like to be in control and lay down the law. Maybe you need a nice shiny sheriff's badge.
This is the Wildcat Titanium Nipple Star (pic 4). Made of (you guessed it) titanium. I guess they really put the 'tit' in titanium, hehe. These can be purchased for $24.95.
With the badge and a 'vag' - you'll definitely make the rules!

Sunday, 18 May 2008

Vagina Power - Penis Addiction

IMAGE: Alexyss K TylorMeet Alexyss Tylor and her mother (yes her mother).
She has a show on Atlanta Public Access TV9 called Vagina Power, where she 'explains' (ehem), male and female sexuality to all of us that know no better.

I like this quote to all women, from her website: VaginaPowerTV.com

"You are a magnificent and wonderful goddess to behold because you have the time portal of all life between your legs"

Here she is explaining "Vagina Power" and "Penis Addiction".

Monday, 12 May 2008

It ain't nothin' but a Hound Doll

IMAGE: Hot Doll - Sex toy for dogsThe "Hot Doll" by FeelAddicted - A sex doll for dogs.

Amorous dog owners and their victims, oops I mean visitors, will be able to breathe a sigh of relief (as will their dogs - eww, haha), if this design concept actually goes ahead and into production.

This is the "Hot Doll". A sex doll for your dog. Designed by FeelAddicted design agency to help curb your canine's embarrassing attraction to your favourite cushions, or your mother-in-law's leg.

IMAGE: Hot Doll - Black or whiteThe Hot Doll for hot dogs in black or white

The Hot Doll has very modern, stylish looks. Although I can't help thinking that if Pingu was cross bred with a Dodo and a plastic poodle, the resulting babies would probably look like this.

The image above aims to show the design from all angles and to show off any design features. It certainly does that.
And, err, no, I don't think the feature on the rear is a squeaker either (unless of course that's slang I haven't heard yet, haha).

Thursday, 1 May 2008

The Giving Up Wanking song!

Declaring a 'Wank Free' zone. (No it doesn't mean you don't have to pay).

Do you wank too much? Do you want to give up, but lack the willpower?
Well what you need is some inspirational music.

Here's a little song performed by the ever-so-talented Kevin "Bloody" Wilson to help you "fight the feeling".

The old video with the different people holding up word cards is sadly no longer available (as the link died). The video below has just the audio with a still image, but it's the song that's the important thing I suppose.

Tuesday, 22 April 2008

Cheaters and male strippers!

IMAGE: Male stripperHave you ever wondered what REALLY goes on at hen/bachelorette nights?
You may have seen those revenge/payback sites. You know the ones - jilted lovers post intimate pics or vids of their ex for all to see.
Well this site: cheaters.uncovered is sort of like that, except that it appears to be an attempt to promote the talents of "international male strippers - The Loverboys".

The Loverboys allegedly do shows where "anything goes". The women that go to their shows appear to get caught up in the moment, with a lethal combination of alcohol, sexual mob mentality and situational peer pressure, which seems to act a bit like sexual stage hypnotism. Nobody wants to be a party pooper, right?

Maybe it IS a form of hypnotism. Where a hypnotists traditional swinging pocket watch has been replaced by a male stripper's swinging rocket crotch. Haha.

Whatever it is, their site has 5 preview vids of footage from their live events, showing a little bit of what they (and the ladies) get up to. No need to sign up, just click the FREE PREVIEW buttons for each video and it opens up in its own little window.
And just like the tag line under each vid says; "Is this your wife? Is this your girlfriend?" Haha.

WARNING: The site has images of a sexual nature (duh) on its front page, so NSFW.

Sunday, 6 April 2008

The Kara Sutra

IMAGE: Kara Sutra 1 IMAGE: Kara Sutra 2
The Kara Sutra - positions 1-4 (click pics to enlarge)

Here is what appears to be a "Complete Guide To Car Sex".
Named with a suitable pun, it is called - the "Kara Sutra". Alternatively: Handy hints for "doggers".

I believe these are scans of a Czech copy of Maxim magazine. Sadly I do not speak (or read) the language, so I cannot tell you what the instructions are. But, "pictures speak a thousand words", as they say. So if you can put together an Ikea bookshelf then you can probably follow these.

In position 2 (pictured above left) the man is clearly only providing a booster seat for the short lady. In position 4 (pictured above right) the lady is doing her best impression of one of those Garfield car window toys with suction pads.


IMAGE: Kara Sutra 3 IMAGE: Kara Sutra 4
The Kara Sutra - Positions 5-9 (click pics to enlarge)

It looks like the couple in position 5 have forgotten that they are in a car, and believe themselves to be in a plane about to crash. Nobody told them you must place YOUR head between YOUR OWN knees.
Also remember, if you are new to dogging, don't make the rookie mistake of jumping straight to position 8 as soon as you arrive at the car park. That would be the wrong type of 'hot sex'.


IMAGE: Kara Sutra 5 IMAGE: Kara Sutra 6
The Kara Sutra - positions 10-13 (click pics to enlarge)

In position 11 the couple are clearly just having a race to the back seat. The image of position 13 shows that hardcore doggers even go as far as to install transparent seats, so that onlookers get the full show.

Monday, 31 March 2008

Sex toys for Star Wars fans!

IMAGE: Laser Sword Dildo switched onBrighten up your sex life with the Laser Sword Dildo!

There's a hell of a lot of merchandise associated with the Star Wars saga: DVDs, CDs, T-shirts, stickers, action figures, costumes, computer games and many, many more.
But, it seems they missed a gap in the market.

It's been said that any battle between men using big, long, phallic objects to beat their opponent (mainly sword fighting) is just a representation of "my dick's bigger than your dick!".

Well, of course, in Star Wars they didn't have plain old swords, they had light sabres! Their weapon could become 'fully erect' in an instant. Not only that, they made cool sounds and glowed in the dark!

IMAGE: Laser Sword Dildo switched offSo was it inevitable that someone would eventually take the phallic light sabre in a more blatant, sexual direction? Well whether it was or wasn't, SOMEBODY HAS!

Make your very own "Laser Sword Dildo" with this handy little 'how to'.

Monday, 24 March 2008

R Kelly becomes marriage counsellor!

IMAGE: R KELLYR Kelly - Teaching you about relationships with his self help video.

R Kelly, infamous for recording his "relationships" on video tape in explicit detail, once again appears to be attempting to document another aspect of his love life, but this time with his clothes on.

This is a video for his profanity-laden song 'Real Talk', taken from the album 'Double-Up'.
Although this particular video is called 'Real Talk Behind the Scenes'. Made especially for his 'real' fans on "U toob".

Sunday, 16 March 2008

Sperm protest at Vagina Monologues!

IMAGE: Sperm staging protestSperm protest at the Vagina Monologues for Durex.

Here's a pic of a rather silly, but probably quite effective publicity stunt for Durex condoms.
No they're not fat white pixies nor are they dressed how the Smurfs would look if you were tripping out on drugs. They are in fact meant to be a group of 'sperm' staging a protest outside the Vagina Monologues.

The protest was quite active to start with, but dried up after about 25 minutes.

Monday, 10 March 2008

Study hard at the Vagina Institute.

IMAGE: Vagina - Not a clown carConveyor belt from the bible belt.

H
ere is a site which may or may not be a spoof. You can decide that for yourself.
I have heard that some people believe it to be just a prank site, created by a bunch of immature guys, as an excuse to post pictures of 'lady bits' and get women to upload pictures of theirs, for an encyclopaedia of female genital imagery.

The website represents The Vagina Institute. Sounds like a great place to mention when asked at a job interview "so where did you study?".
It appears to be an informational site for women (and men) to be educated on the ins and outs (hehe) of female genitalia.

If nothing else, the diagrams could prove useful for any men that need a clitoral map. But don't mention to your husband/boyfriend that you've got a map of directions to your clitoris, because if he's really that oblivious, he'll just hear map, directions and some weird place name 'Miklitrus'.

"Map? Directions? Don't be silly dear. Why do you think I've got this top-of-the-range GPS? I don't need maps, directions or signs anymore. This thing shows me parking areas, speed cameras, places to eat and places of interest. Where is it again? Maikliturus? Is it in Greece?"

"No you dumb fuck, it is not in Greece! It is very much closer to home. Downtown in fact. A beauty spot, a place to eat and what SHOULD BE a place of interest for YOU."

"No, sorry darling, I'm getting no joy out of this thing."

"What a coincidence. I say the same thing in my head to you in bed. You really don't 'read the signs' any more do you."

Thursday, 28 February 2008

Dirty Little Mermaid!

IMAGE:Topless little MermaidLittle Mermaid tells us her TRUE desires.

There are lots of funny videos around, where people have edited together some kids tv, or film and dubbed some explicit rap lyrics underneath as the soundtrack.
Or as with a previous post on here, dubbing a classic explicit comedy sketch under footage of the Muppets.

But this video here has someone re-sing the Disney song, with a more adult topic, to suprisingly good effect.

Friday, 22 February 2008

Judge Doody!

IMAGE:Unblocking a full toiletAre plumbers overpaid? Look at that face. You decide.
After posting about the cute plush toys 'Pee&Poo' on Weird Wonderful Web, I was reminded of a site containing pictures of not-so-cuddly poo.

It's one of those sites that you come across and say
"eww, that is unbelievable! I can't believe someone came up with a website idea like this!"
And you'll probably think even worse of the people that willingly 'participate' and upload their own pictures for 'rating'.
But nevertheless, a lot of you will STILL end up forwarding it to people you know. Just to say "oh my god, look at this, ewww!".

The site I am referring to is one of those "Rate My..." sites except with a yucky theme.
Now, it doesn't take much imagination to work out what RateMyPoo.com is about, how it works and most importantly; what you are likely to see there. The clue is most definitely in the title. And not to be viewed on a full stomach (or at all if you have a very low puke threshold).

It's been said that people will look at "any old shit", and it appears to be true, because this site has been going for years and years, with an ever growing collection of crap caught on camera.

It's simple. Take a dump. Take a picture. Upload to RateMyPoo for web surfers to rate.
But, maybe you're not ready for that yet. Perhaps you need to eye up the competition first.
Well, you'll discover (if you dare visit, hehe) that to browse the gruesome gallery, you need to rate each pic before it will move on to the next. Thus, before you know it, you are involved, haha.

Monday, 18 February 2008

Shoot dat ass!

IMAGE: Man with head up own assTime to drop our first game here on Weird Wayout Web.
And seeing as we mostly post what could be described as "immature stuff for mature audiences" this particular game seems to fit the bill.

Not only is it based on an arcade classic, but it's suitably ridiculous too.

It's called "Asstroys", possibly because you destroy asses and "Asstroids" may have been too close to copyright breach. Haha.

Strange name aside, it's at least OK for a coffebreak game.
You can probably guess the controls.
Movement = Arrow keys. Fire = SPACE.

Free Flash Games Online

Wednesday, 13 February 2008

Would you drink from the FMC?

IMAGE:Pub sign-The Foul Mouthed CuntThe United Kingdom is well known for its pubs. There are of course bars too, although if someone in the UK says they are going to a bar for a drink, it is assumed to be a trendy wine bar of some type.

In general, the UK's drinkers prefer a pub when looking for a place to consume a relaxing pint or twelve.

The tradition of the pub goes way back in the UK. And some pubs that have kept their names for a few hundred years can appear amusing in today's times. Like 'Ye Olde Cock Inn' in Didsbury, Manchester, England.

So with names like that, it's not too surprising that some people may get confused as to the authenticity of a pub name like the one pictured above. Which has its own website, telling you all about it, that you may want to visit HERE.

It would make a great venue for an organised event. Just imagine printing THAT pub name on the flier.

Sunday, 10 February 2008

What the fork?

IMAGE:Penis shaped cutlery setCock handled cutlery - only for those special occasions.
If you're planning on having important company round for dinner, maybe prospective in-laws, or perhaps trying to woo your boss to snare that promotion, it's important to make a good impression.
Now, they say first impressions last. So if you're expecting important dinner guests for the first time, you'll really want to make a big impact for a lasting impression.

Well, what you quite obviously need is some cock-shaped cutlery, together with salt and pepper peckers. And, for that classy finishing touch - a knob-like napkin holder (See image above).
This dinner table display will undoubtedly ensure you a lasting impression, but may be more of an 'etched permanently on their subconscious' variety.

The picture above is a photograph of one of the weird and wayout exhibits on display at the Icelandic Phallological Museum at Husavik in (of course, hehe) Iceland.

The museum apparently boasts "a collection of over one hundred and fifty penises and penile parts belonging to almost all the sea mammals that can be found in Iceland."
IMAGE:Various mammal penises in jarsHere's a pic of pickled peckers!

From whale willies to polar bear plonkers, the Icelandic Phallological Museum has them all.
So if you're lucky enough to be visiting Iceland, make sure this place is top of your itinerary.
But for now you'll have to make do with visiting their website at Phallus.is, where you can browse the gallery for more images like the ones seen here.

Tuesday, 5 February 2008

Derek & Clive voice the Muppets!

IMAGE:Derek & CliveDudley Moore & Peter Cook as the foul-mouthed Derek & Clive
I'm truly amazed that this video has been allowed to live on YouTube for so long. It has got to be some sort of record for a video with this kind of language in the content AND throughout the comments. I know, I know, I've probably jinxed it now and I'll have to 're-up' it from somewhere else. But for now, all is well.

If you don't know Derek & Clive, you may think of this as over-the-top crudeness and very unfunny.
Derek & Clive were foul-mouthed, comedy characters created by Peter Cook and Dudley Moore.
They were originally more of a private joke for friends and were the ruder and nastier versions of the Pete & Dud characters.

Eventually these recordings made their way on to vinyl, and what you will hear, is from a skit taken off of the first Derek & Clive LP - Derek & Clive (Live) from 1976.
The skit is called "This bloke came up to me".

Somebody decided to breathe new life into the old sketch by dubbing it over a video of Statler (often misspelled as Stadler) and Waldorf from the Muppets.
Watch this video for the results. Obviously (to most) it contains strong language!

Sunday, 27 January 2008

Crocheted Chesticles!

IMAGE:Boob pillowBoobie pillow - Breast is best when it comes to head rest!

From small children to grown men (and grown women of course), we're drawn to the lady lumps. And what's cosier than boobies at bedtime?

But what if you don't have a wife or girlfriend?
Or maybe your wife or girlfriend is away?
Or she's kicked you to the sofa.
Or you are a heterosexual lady that doesn't get the chance to 'bond with breasts at bedtime'?
Well have I got just the thing for you! Bed boobies! Bed breasts! Head hooters call it what you want, it's a pillow with a pair of tits crocheted onto it. And it can be yours for $25.00 each from KinkyCrochet's shop at Etsy.com (Your place to buy & sell all things handmade).

IMAGE:Boobie HatsThis seller has a few other 'kinky' crocheted items for sale. Such as willy warmers and boobie slippers.
Now, I don't know about you, but most hats don't suit me at all.
Wearing almost any style of hat, I feel and look like a complete tit.
So if you feel the same as me when wearing a hat of any description, why not ACTUALLY look like a tit, with one of these boobie hats.
They come in two colours and cost $8.00 each from KinkyCrochet's shop. I'm sure they will keep your head as warm and cosy as a bundle of boobs in a bra.

Wednesday, 23 January 2008

If I'd known you were 'cumming' I would 'buk' a 'kake'

IMAGE:Gingerbread bukkakeGingerbread bukkake - Whatever next?
Yes even the sweetest things can be made sordid. Haha.
The image above shows you just what can happen, if you leave a whole load of gingerbread men alone with one gingerbread lady.

And for those of you that don't really understand the title, I tried to combine the song lyric "If I'd have known you were coming I'd have baked a cake", with the fetish described by the Japanese word Bukkake.

So the question is: why has someone taken the time to bake a gingerbread man/woman representation of the act of bukkake?
God only knows! I'm guessing stag night/bachelor party or most likely- solely for the internet and email forwarding. Hehe.

Friday, 18 January 2008

Rubber Ducky you're the one!

I Rub My Duckie has 3 speeds!
Buy this "cute, yellow and chubby (rub-a-dub-a-dubby)" Vibrating Foam Rubber Ducky for your Wife of girlfriend and she'll be singing the entire Rubber Ducky song while she's in the bath with her new 'toy'.
(If you thought she took forever in there before, wait until you get her one of these!)

In fact, looking at this product and looking at the lyrics to the Rubber Ducky song, makes me wonder, whether a lady, already owning one of these bath-time buzzers wrote the song with her fave bath toy in mind.

Example:
"Rubber Ducky, you're the one.
You make bath time lots of fun.
Rubber Ducky, I'm awfully fond of you.
Rubber Ducky, joys of joys.
When I squeak you, you make noise. Rubber Ducky, you're my very best friend, it's true!"

Maybe you could change the line "When I squeak you, you make noise" to "When I use you I make a hell-of-a-noise" or alternatively "When I got you, who needs boys?". Hehe.

You can pick one of these up from Amazon.co.uk for a measly £19.99
.
And if you're a woman purchasing one of these, it not only makes a great bachelorette (hen party) novelty gift, but you can order one for yourself, as Ducky here is discreet enough to leave around the bathroom in plain site.

Sunday, 13 January 2008

Join the 'Clucking' craze!

Here is one of those videos that I would be surprised if it lasts very much longer on YouTube. So get it while you can!
A British sketch, STRICTLY FOR THE ADULTS and probably offensive to germans.
Featuring the brilliant Paul Kaye (better known for Dennis Pennis) and Lucy Montgomery (Titty Bang Bang).

UPDATE:
While checking through old posts I noticed that (as predicted) YouTube has removed this video.
So here it is from Daily Motion.

NOTE: Originally posted 26 October at Image:Weird Wonderful Web button

Saturday, 12 January 2008

Gambling with guns!

Well there's not much to say about this one.
You can file this under: 'Weird games that probably shouldn't have been made'.
The 'game' is called Strip Or Die! (Nice huh?). If you didn't guess yet from the title of this post; it's a Russian Roulette game. The tag line asks the question: "Will you lose your shirt or your head?".
You
on the other hand may be asking the question: "So somebody actually sat down and programmed this, err ... 'game'?"
So here it is for you to love or loathe.
A Russian (sort of) flash game that isn't Tetris!


NOTE: Originally posted 3 September 07 at Image:Weird Wonderful Web button

Friday, 11 January 2008

Stick 'em up!

For any of you wannabe armed robbers out there (or even experienced blaggers looking for a different MO) that may have been inspired by THIS post about the robber using his girlfriend's Rampant Rabbit as an offensive weapon, I have gathered together a selection of ... shall we say, 'serving suggestions'?

Image:Dildo Gun 1First up, if you already have a bit of dosh from previous capers, you might like to try the "Erotic Gun Dildo" from Wicked Tickles.
They describe it as looking "incredible, with it's high gloss finish it feels amazing, soft to the touch and incredibly lightweight. It's certainly an eye-opener both in or out of the bedroom."

"Out of the bedroom" ... and into the bank maybe?...
Come on criminals! This has to be your number one choice! Look! You can even get an optional holster for it. Coooool. That's right. You could practice your Quick Draw McGraw skills and REALLY surprise the missus. Haha.
All this smooth high gloss incredibleness can be yours for £45.99 ($82.78) or £55.99 with holster.

Image:Dildo Gun 2But, if you're a gangster on a budget, maybe because you're new to the game or perhaps your previous 'work' went a bit pear-shaped, this fine example of a dildo gun may better fit the bill.
This is called the "Peter Gun" and can be found at 1sn.com.
On the site the blurb invites you to:

"Load up this squirt gun with your favorite liquid - hot or cold, then stick 'em up, spread 'em and shoot your load over and over as your partner screams in delight. Great fun, but can get a little messy. Soft dildo tip makes for easy entry as you prepare to shoot."

Well. How could you refuse? And at only $5.95 ($4.95 S+H) you can't go wrong.


Image:Dildo Gun 3And lastly this one. Which unfortunately I don't have any details about, so if you want to buy one you'll have to track it down yourself. But I feel it deserves inclusion. To me it looks more likely to be a cool sculpture rather than a working vibrator, but who am I to judge? Either way it'd be a worthy addition to your erotic arsenal.

I know it goes without saying
really, but, I am in no way encouraging individuals to follow a 'life of crime'. And if for some insane reason you now contemplate committing a 'hold up' with one of these objects then prepare yourself to face the "What sorta bank ya gonna hold up with one of these then son? A sperm bank?" type comments from the police that catch your dumb arse.

NOTE: Originally posted 31 August 07 at
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Saturday, 5 January 2008

Respect your elders and fetters!

Image:Charlotte Bronté's Jane Eyre book coverThe wife had been reading Jane Eyre (by Charlotte Brontë) recently, which incidentally you can download for free as an ebook from the wonderful Project Gutenburg if you don't already own a copy.
She came across the word 'fetters' a few times and asked me to remind her what those were. With the word fetters not cropping up much in my general conversations, I had to do what we all do when we can't remember the definition of a word, usually what we do before even trying to remember the definition of a word, or as in my case, not having the faintest idea. I Googled it!
Of course the great Wikipedia was there at the ready explaining that fetters were another word for shackles or leg irons, but it wasn't number one on the list. Oooooh no.
The site to rank at number one on the list when entering fetters into Google (.co.uk not .com, your results may vary) was, not surprisingly, a site called Fetters.co.uk.

Fetters, it turns out, is an online shop based in Warwickshire in the UK. They would appear to be, what you may call, catering for a 'specialist market'. Although, if like me you'll probably just refer to it as kinky. Hehe.
I know what you're thinking; 'well does a site that calls itself Fetters actually sell fetters for home use?'. Well of course they do! And a lot more besides.
Some of the categories listed on their site include:
  • Whips, Paddles and Canes (oh my!).
  • Strait Jackets and Suits.
  • Electrical Play (Kids! Don't stick your fingers into electrical sockets!).
  • Pre 19th Century Irons (our fettered friends, hehe).
And the amusingly named (well I can't say them without smirking)...
  • Fist Mitts
  • Tit Toys
Okay, so I'm going to show you a little selection of what they have on offer. See if you can guess what the picture is of, before reading the description. Haha.
As Rolf Harris used to say "can you guess what it is yet?"

Image:Folson Electrified Butt PlugWell doesn't this look cool? Nice shiny chrome looking object. I'm not entirely sure what it's made of, but it is metal. Is it a designer paper weight? A doorstop maybe? Got it yet? I'm sure they'll even be some of you out there, embarrassed and shocked at yourself for guessing/recognising what it is straight away by its shape, hehe.
It's a...Folsom Electrified Butt Plug! Of course, lol. In fact the site's description describes it as:

"Very high quality bi-polar butt plug 15cm long x 45mm diameter with conductive bands running down each side. Quite shocking!"


Now you may be saying WTF?!?! But hey, I've seen these things shown, talked about and even used on DAYTIME television! On a family program! Okay it was a zoo vet type thingy and it was being used on a giraffe, but STILL!

They were concerned that the male giraffe wasn't able to 'get it up' in the usual way, as they had never seen him 'flexing his lurve muscle towards the laydez' (Jeez! Can't a guy get a little privacy). So they gave him a helping hand. Well actually that's where the probe comes in. It's so they don't have to literally give him a 'helping hand' (ewww!).
The young zookeeper lady told us (while barely concealing a smirk), how the enormous probe she held up to camera (and that they had nicknamed "The Torpedo"), had been preceded by a rising scale of smaller probes to (err) "train" the giraffe. But now he's happy to let them shove the massive anal probe (borrowed from aliens?) up his butt, switch it on and trigger him to 'spunk his junk' into a large cup on command (Hmmm, wonder if sperm banks buy many of these to keep the donor rotation moving swifter?).

Image:Electrode CatheterOkayyyy, what about this then? Not so clear from the shape as to what this might be. Also from the small picture, you get no sense of scale. Well, I don't really want to think too much about how you use this item (but hey, "whatever floats ya boat"), so I'm just going to tell you they call it an Electrode Catheter. Stainless steel. 7.5cm long x 10mm diameter. (Yowzah!).

Image:genuine British Policeman's TruncheonAnd last but not least. To be found in the Miscellaneous section along with the red PVC Bondage Tape, Padlocks, Leather Teddy and Spare Handcuff Key you'll find something every couple needs if one of you is pretending to be a policeman or more specifically a "Bobby on the beat" as this is a "Genuine British Police Issue Truncheon from Hiatt, in solid hardwood, painted black".
Alternatively, I suppose it would make a handy cosh (Blackjack)to stash in the bedside cabinet for when you need to issue your own justice on an unwelcome burglar! Hehe.

NOTE: Originally posted 19 August 2007 at Image:Weird Wonderful Web button